Can Purell be used as lube?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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