capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
