Me too!
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
