Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
