And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
