Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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