Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
