Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
