You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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