My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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