Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
