Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
