Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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