I will die if light touches me.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
