ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
