nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
