so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
