Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
