So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
i now understand why vodka
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
