What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
