I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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