Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
