thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
