i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
