Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
