Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
