Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
