your room smells of hookers.
And success
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
