She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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