it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
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I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
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Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He shit in the fireplace
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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