About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
