I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
