The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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