we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
