Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
