fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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