dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
