I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Can I color on your dick again?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now