They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.