You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
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Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
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The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.