Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
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someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to