This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
