So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
