you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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