The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
