So drunk, too bad you don't want this
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Randomize