Betty ford says i'm here all night
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
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im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
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Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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