How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
