I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
