Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I lost the right to judge tonight
Randomize
