I want you more than these girls want KFC
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
