conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
