How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
