I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
