I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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