He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
