The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
