i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
