Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
