One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
