please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize